It's About. . . Acne?

I know about a year ago I posted some pics with information on how my face was going to drastically change soon because of this promising new product I was using... Let's just say that dream was fora rookie like me. "Hi, my name is Jess," ("Hi Jess.") "And I have acne." ("That's okay, Jess, we all have acne...") No, your acne isn't quite like mine. In fact, it's pretty unique to have an acne problem like the one I have. Let me explain a little bit more what I mean.

Since I the time I was about 15, acne had invaded my face. It's genetic, and I don't feel completely alone in the acne family (my mom and one of my brothers have/had it pretty bad as well). I feel for them, but I think we all get along just fine with acne problems. When i was in high school, I was able to cover up my acne fairly well, and when I look at pics from that age, I can hardly see them. It did progressively worsen with time after age 15. I've tried Proactiv, IQ Derma, Dermalogica, all kinds of over-the-counter type solutions (including all the typical Clean and Clear, etc.) with no success. the best success I had with something like a topical treatment was basic Cetaphyl, which was recommended when I was seeing a dermatologist at age 18 when I first moved up to Utah. Can I just throw in that ever since I moved here, my face has seemed like it's retaliated against Utah? It's quite interesting. Usually oily skinned people tend to do better in a dryer climate, but not me I guess! "Wait a minute," you must be thinking, "you were seeing a dermatologist? So why no improvements?" Well, that's a great question! Allow me to answer for you: when I saw my previous dermatologist, he diagnosed me with cystic acne, which means HUGE, painful, itchy cysts on your face that tend to leave scarring. Eek, right? Right! Of course I did what I could at the time... injecting shots of some kind of anti-acne medicine in the blemishes (can you say ouch?) as well as antibiotics (the best way to treat real cases of acne is form the inside out). I even considered trying Acutane. For those of you who may be wondering what Acutane is, it's an extremely powerful oral drug that has about a 75% chance of wiping out your acne for good. Sounds appealing, doesn't it? Well, that's because you haven't heard the side effects yet: 100% chance of deformed baby should you get pregnant while using, depressions (possible suicide thoughts), incredibly dry face and skin, and has recently been linked to horrible abdominal problems. I am SO grateful my mom helped my to opt against that idea (thank you, Mommy!). Even though I wasn't married yet, the fact that the drug was powerful enough to permanently damage a fetus didn't appeal to me to what it'd do inside my body. That, and my body tends to be very sensitive to any kinds of drug (you should have seen me on Morphine after surgery! Great drug, but one of the funniest sights you'd have seen in your life! You can also ask Boston or Albany what happened when I took half a dose of some other codine-type painkiller for cramps... it's like I was drunk. Yikes!) So anyways, depression, deformity, and extreme skin dryness = a big no-no for Acutane for Jess.

Well, like I mentioned earlier, and as seen in previous posts, I have been trying to understand my acne better. I stopped seeing that previous dermatologist because I couldn't afford it. I just accepted the life of acne forever until my resurrection day. . . until recently.

I hadn't noticed what a problem my acne was before my wedding day. It was the best day, I will gladly admit, but I can profess that it's always in the back of my mind when I look at pictures or memories from that day that my acne was horrible. I'm not too sad about, truthfully, but it would have been nice to have a clear face on that special day. I guess I never paid too much attention to my acne problem because the Lord has blessed me to see the good things in myself when I look into the mirror; that, and I have the most amazing husband who tells all the time how magnificently beautiful he thinks I am. I'm trying not to blush while writing that! He really is the best in the world, and his sincerity is completely reassuring!

I spoke with my dad the other day, and he mentioned that the last time he saw me he was wondered about my acne. I agreed that it was beginning to be problematic. (I love having an honest father to tell me things I can improve on. When I first came out to Utah, I gained 18 lbs. in three months! He was honest enough, and concerned about me enough, to help me back on the mentality for a healthy body. Thanks Dad, for lookin' out for me!). Well, he advised me to see a doctor about my acne. I agreed to, and saw one today. I am back on antibiotics, and should be able to see if they're making a difference in about 6 weeks. I know I'll get antsy about the third week, or so, but I'm already telling myself that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to see some results by Christmas. . .

I am hopeful to find an acne solution. I have already accepted that I'll need laser surgery one day for the scarring (eek. another $5,000 or so. That'll be a 'one day I'll get this' type deal), but am hopeful that something will come along to clear up the ones of the surface. I've only just noticed today that about 1/2 of my "acne" is actually permanent scarring that looks like acne. We'll find out soon enough if this antibiotic is just the ticket to helping me not have any more of those!

I am so grateful for all who have helped me in this endeavor to keep looking for solutions and who care enough about me to be concerned for these kinds of things. I am really okay with my acne (it's just such a part of me now), but in all reality, I think anyone would rather not have it. So whatever the Lord thinks is best, whether it clears up or not, really is best for me!